On Pedophiles and Wolves

A convicted sex offender has moved into our neighborhood. A pedophile. All of the neighbors have been notified. The Bishopric read a prewritten statement in each Sunday School class at church. On Mother's Day, no less. I guess it wasn't something they wanted to wait on. I'm sure after church that day everyone else went home and found the sex offender registry website and looked him up and read what he did, just like me. It was heinous and violent and he did it to his own little daughter. It was almost twenty years ago. He served his time in prison and now he is out and he lives down the street.

The statement by the Bishopric was straightforward and cautious. We were advised to be very careful and protect our children, but also to have compassion and show an example of Christ-like behavior. It was appropriately even-handed, and the responsible position for religious leaders to take in this situation. I knew it was coming ahead of time, because of my position in the Relief Society, but even so, a deep rage surfaced in me with such force that I couldn't hold back my tears; I began to shake uncontrollably and had to leave the room. I wonder who else felt the same.

I also wonder what will change. Something like this certainly creates a ripple through a neighborhood. I don't envision anyone putting up posters with his face on it, like they did in his last neighborhood in California, or throwing bricks through his window with threatening notes tied to them. People here have not yet reached that saturation point. I don't imagine that anything unsavory will happen to him. And I'm sure that those people in the neighborhood without small children at home will show a degree of friendliness toward him, to provide him with some sense of belonging, and that those of us who do have children at home will shun him completely, as we feel we must.

What I really wonder about, though, is not the interaction between us and him. What interests me is what will happen within the us. What attitudes will show themselves. This is the sort of thing that brings out the best and the worst in people. I wonder if those who have always been kind, compassionate, caring people will, in this case, have no compassion. And if those who seem hard-nosed and intolerant of everyone and everything will end up being the ones who offer a hand of friendship. In all honesty, I myself can only seem to feel rage. The compassion that I should feel for someone trying to redeem themselves simply isn't there. I find myself fantasizing about a situation in which he looks at one of my children and gives me the justification I need to take a baseball bat and beat him bloody and senseless in the middle of the street. It's horrible, I know. But again, I can't help but wonder who else feels the same.

I also wonder about those who have already voiced their firm opinion about forgiveness and second chances. What is it about this group that allows them to overlook such horrors and find that compassion that I so obviously lack? I would like to think that it is naivetee on their part as to the unwavering predatory nature of a pedophile, or the fact that they raised their children in the pre-pedophile-rampant eras of the 60s, 70s and even the 80s. But maybe that's not it. Maybe they understand something that I don't. Or maybe I understand something that they don't. I guess we'll never really know.

And what will the character of our community be in 1 year, or 5 years, or even 10 years that it wouldn't have been had this man not moved in next door? What actions will each of us take that will reveal something about ourselves that otherwise would have never surfaced? And the very act of that revealing - will it change the individual? An attitude of compassion or lack thereof might give life to a part of a person's nature that will take them in a different direction entirely. Or it might expose them in some way that will alter who they are because of how others now see them. Like my little mini-meltdown in church after the "big announcement". How did that revelation of my personal feelings affect the people around me and their perception of me? And how will that change the future of our relationships?

Essentially, it isn't so much about the individual, but about the dynamic of the group. What relationships will solidify based on similar reactions and opinions that wouldn't have otherwise? And what divisions might arise because of the differences?

There is a Native American proverb, in which a grandfather explains to his grandson about the two wolves that live inside of him - one good and one evil - that are always fighting for control. The grandson asks, "how do you know which one will win?" to which the grandfather replies, "the wolf that will win is the one that you feed." In this case, which is the evil wolf and which is the good? What if the result of forgiveness and compassion is that another child is abused? What if the result of righteous anger and indignation is that our children learn to hate and be afraid? Is one worse than the other? Will we ever really know?